My one wrong step

I am Mohit and happen to land to this section here. I find this very interesting. Although I am writing my true name, I am not revealing anything further about myself as I have chosen to exercise my confession here. I want to pour my heart out here and now. It's been years that I did something and did not realize it will keep haunting me till today. I am feeling so guilty about my dirty act that I have not been able to move on in my life. 

It is a story of around 10 years ago when I was around 15 years of age and was studying in school. I was a bit naughty and always created nuisance in school for which I was punished many times. Sometimes I used to eat someone's lunch or create some or other mischief and put the blame on someone else. However most of the times I used to get caught and hence in bad books.  My parents were called in the PTA meetings and always had to listen to complaints about me and my behaviour. I was issued many warnings etc. but since I was good at studying, many of my mistakes were overlooked by everyone including my teachers and parents.

However, I am going to write about the event which is disturbing my mind continuously making me restless. There was this incident where while playing in the class with my two friends, we broke the wall clock and a fancy light of our classroom.  I along with my two friends, was penalised with a fine of Rs. 500/- each, by my teacher. Just a few days back only my parents had attended the PTA meeting and it was for the first time that my teacher had praised about my behaviour saying that I was improving and that they were happy about it. I had created some positive impression about myself although with my smartness but not much had actually changed.  However, I did not want to spoil my impression so quickly and therefore I wanted to hide this incident from my parents.  The issue was how to pay the fine.  So I decided to ditch my parent and steal money from the house.  I stole the 500/- from my father's wallet which was lying on the table in our bedroom and made his signature on the complaint sheet and went to school the next day and wept in front of my teacher saying I got scolding from my parents and gave her the fine.  My teacher thought the matter was over and they kept the fine and forgot about it and never mentioned about it with my parents.  But at home incident took a different turn and someone else had to bear the brunt of my father's anger. My father was very particular about the cash he used to keep in his wallet.  So once he found that his 500/- note was missing from his wallet he complained about it to my mother. None of them could even dream that I could do such mischief and they thought it was our maid's little son who used to come along with her while she did the cleaning job in our house. So my mother yelled at her the next day and told her that the money was missing and that either you pay back or else we will deduct from your salary.  My maid was very honest and had great self-respect, she tried her best to make my mom understand and explain her position but my parents were adamant and did not believe her a bit. Most of the conversations took place in front of me, so I can really feel every moment of it. I was feeling very guilty and was shaking from inside, but could not gather the strength to admit my fault in front of my parents and say that I stole the money.  My silence caused the lady her job and she even earned a bad name in our society. She was thrown out of the society, as per the rules & regulations such people were not allowed to enter the society and serve any house when such complaints were filed against them. 

It was a really a sad moment for me, I was cursing myself then and I am cursing even now for behaving in such a way. I have not opened up about this to my parents even now after 10 years, however, after finding this Confession section at Dirt-Sheet, I felt out naturally to vomit out what was running all through these years in my mind.  As I am writing this I am shaking again feeling the very same that I felt when my mother was conversing with my maid then but now after writing it all I am really feeling lighter. I feel as if a big burden is just released from my head and I feel so glad and relieved about it.

Thank you Dirt-Sheet. My life has changed and I feel I am a changed person now.



Mohit

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Small business owner. I am a very frequent reader and love to read books and meaning full contents

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